Monday, October 9, 2006

Devastated...

I never felt so much devastation and depression from failure in my entire life until yesterday. I checked my PMR papers with answers obtained from http://www.andrewchoo.com.my/ . Everything sailed pretty smoothly until like a bombshell out of the blues, I got 47/50 for my History paper. Thus, meaning I got a B for History or in other words, I missed the scale of A by 1 question. It felt as if my heart sank into the bottom of my stomach when reality came to life. I just sat there, blankly staring at the computer, not know what to do. I sent an offline message to someone what happened and that I am so freaking scared right now. Then, I just went upstairs to take a shower. Once I reached my bedroom, that was when I couldn't take it anymore, I just started crying so hard. After showering, I had my dinner and food seemed to taste tasteless. After that, I went online and thankfully, someone was there. I don't know what I would have done without that someone honestly, he's really good at cheering people up when they are down. I was like crying and laughing at the same time. He told me not to believe the answers and told me some other stuff to make me feel better. I felt much better after that. Then, he told me that I should tell my mum about it as if it would make me feel much better. I told my mum and I did feel much better after that. After all that, I was so exhausted, I fell asleep once my head hit the pillow. The next day when I woke up, which, is today, I was attacked by the feeling of fear of my results again. I almost felt like skipping school, just to mourn at home over the whole deal but I pulled myself together and faced school like normal. On the way to school, I felt like crying again. But when I went to school, Rhe really cheered me up too. She made me laugh as well. She told me to give her my History paper so she could check it using teacher's answers and she told me that the answers were probably fake. Then, just now I checked using answers from St. Joseph and it only got me even more frustrated. The answers were even more different. I just stopped checking, cried some more and went to shower. Honestly, I really don't know what I would have done without people like my parents and my friends in my life.

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